


Not Alone

by lesbianmorgwen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianmorgwen/pseuds/lesbianmorgwen
Summary: Merlin and Gwen talk for the first time since the Battle of Camlann
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin)
Kudos: 17





	Not Alone

Merlin didn't move when he heard the door to Gaius's rooms open. He stayed in his own room, in the corner, sat with his knees to his chest, his arms hugging his legs and his head back against the wall. The floor was cold - in fact, he was cold all over - but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.  
He could hear Gaius and the visitor talking through the wall; talking about him.  
"How is he?" Guinevere. He wasn't sure when the last time they'd spoken had been. Was it before Camlann? He couldn't remember much that had happened since then. But he'd seen her a few times. The light was gone from her eyes and he couldn't picture her smile anymore, it seemed almost unnatural.  
"Not good. He's still barely eating. I don't know what to do." This was Gaius's voice. Merlin looked down at the plate of food by his door. He'd barely noticed it being put there, presumably by Gaius, but he couldn't be sure. He couldn't remember when he'd last eaten either: he hadn't been hungry.  
"Can I see him?"  
"If you want to, but I'm afraid he's not really speaking at the moment."  
Merlin heard the footsteps approaching his door and watched as it swung open and Gwen stepped in, barely avoiding stepping in the plate of food. She picked it up from the floor and brought it over to him, sitting on the floor in front of him. Merlin hoped the floor wasn't dirty: he didn't want her to ruin her dress.  
Gwen took a slice of bread from the plate and split it in half. "Here," she said, handing one half to him, "I'll eat this half, and you eat that one." Merlin did what she told him, wordlessly.  
She sat and watched him for a few moments.  
"Walk with me?" she said. Merlin shook his head. "You can't stay in here forever."  
"Why not? What's the point in leaving?"  
"I know you're hurting, but life goes on. And we miss you, Merlin."  
"You don't understand," Merlin replied, looking away from her.  
"He was my husband, Merlin. What do I not understand?" Gwen said. She seemed annoyed, but her voice was still gentle.  
"It was my destiny to protect him! And I failed."  
Gwen sighed.  
"I know," she said softly, "But you aren't the only one hurting right now. And you're not alone."  
Merlin looked back at her, and it was though he was actually seeing her - seeing anyone - for the first time in weeks. And he could see the pain in her eyes, a reflection of his. She needed him, and he needed her. Because they were all each other had left now.  
And Merlin began to cry, for the first time since he sent Arthur off in that boat. Gwen pulled him into a hug, and she was crying too, and she didn't let go until the tears stopped coming. They looked into each others' eyes again. Nothing would ever be the same, and perhaps they would never be okay. But at least they weren't alone.   
And then Gwen smiled. It wasn't a completely happy smile, nor did it light up the room like it once had, but it was a smile nonetheless. And Merlin found himself smiling too.


End file.
